Today is the day..

This is the day,the day you fly off to Virginia.I'm sorry I won't be there at the airport.I'm sorry I won't be there to see you for the last time and say good bye to you.You knw how desperate I am to be with you at the airport?.And I already planned something for you.I did an album where i put all of our pics inside there.But an album is not enough to fill all of our memories together.I did a pencil box for you and a card which I thought I can give you today and u can read it in the aeroplane.*sounds dramatic.But it seems that your parents doesn't feel comfortable with my present at the airport,they gave me excuses.well,I can't say anything,I respect them as your parents.Coincidentally today is Raya Aidilfitri Day.A festival after fasting month.I wake up in this morning and read your msg that you sent.'hey b,have a nice raya,sorry for all my wrongdoing,you are the most amazing girl,love you,hope we will meet again after 4 years,take care'.seriously I cried a river alone in my room.Just know my sister asked me'hey Syah,he already flew off,why you don't look sad?',then I was just smile and said back to her'how did you know that I'm not sad? I hide my sadness behind a mask of smiles,no one knows how I feel.Btw, It takes you 13 hours from Malaysia to reach L.A .I wonder what you're doing now.I really hope you're doing fine.

Less than 30 days

Theres like less than 30 days before you fly to Virginia to continue your study for 4 years.which mean I might see you,and spend time with you for the last time before you fly because highly possibility you might not come back for 4 years.Plus who knows,if death are calling one of us to go first.I don't knoww,there are soo many things inside my mind ,and the feelings..its complicated,i can't even explain how I feel right now. -.- .btw , I already planned alot things to give you on the day you fly.I hope we can spend time together,and have a simple spend time like go to the 'bazar' (alot of stalls where people sell foods,VARIOUS type of foods and drinks) and have a nice dinner together.But the things are not going well as I hope so.You give me an excuses about your financial,which you hope that I understand your situation.yes,I know wht prob you 're having right now,but it seems like you don't make an effort to think other alternative ways to hangout with me.'hey,don't worry,k?,we will hv time together before I fly'.Yeah great,you said it as if there 3 ,4 months left,but the fact is now,less than 30 days.sigh*, I hope you realise about it.Long distance relationship might make us face very hard time together in future,but whatever happen between us ,I know,I'll be waiting for you for 4 years.

Me now already in semester 3,with 7 subjects in total which I have to take during this sem,and mostly of the subjects involve calculation,numbers.WHICH means,I'll dealing with numbers everyday,yeay! -.- isn't F-U-N? my schedule this time really make me exhausted.i hv class in the morning until the evening.Nothing new this time,I'm just fill up my blog with this erm unneccessary post.I should go to sleep now,well..adios : )p/s: I'm so hungry too now,so i guess i shall hunting for food first before go to bed :D

I wish...

things become more complicated after I knew something is not right between us.After having a long conversation arguing with you,then only you admit about you liking this one girl.you know,the feeling of knowing your boyfriend like someone else,its really hurt.Suddenly your tears keep falling,you keep crying and asked,why why you do this to me,am I not that good enough for you?what's so interesting about that girl until you can fall to like her?since when you start to like her?.And i didn't expect the answer would be like this 'i don't love her,i just..i just like her''its not that deep' 'just 2 weeks ago i start to like her' Hell man,i already crying like crazy after like he gv me that kind of answers.cried for the whole day,i feel so miserable.no one knows how I feel at that time.I dont trust him anymore,i don't know how to forgive him.After having a relationship with him like more than a year,its like something unexpected from him.i never thought that he would like someone else eventhou he has a gf.I'm sick of being so loyal to him,thinking of wht i did for him before,how much i sacrifice for him,it hurts me more.why he's being so stupid? i feel so speechless.Ariff,can you compared which one between both of us,me and that girl,that really care about you?can you realise which one is really love you?can you realise which one,you spent time the most and hv alots and alots of memories together?can you tell me,which one of us knw u better? I knw you so well,VERY well.evry single thing about you,i knw it very well.but you,you 're so blind,stupid you can't even know which one is the one who loves you so much.why you are so selfish,you don't even control your feelings towards the girl.why you don't appreciate me?.Now you me to accept you back?do you think that easy to accept you back?its hard man.I just feel so soory to myself,its like i love the wrong guy.I don't know wht to do.sigh*

past , now and future

ouh i feel so stupid to be upset about the past,which is actly I'm still thinking about it now.I don't know why should i feel this way?,it's not like he's my boyfriend anymore,HE'S my EX,note that Aisyah.It's not worth it being upset because of him after what he had done to you before,what a jerk.Why I hv to feel like I'm losing him(as if he's not a jerk and he never dumped me)while I already with someone else,who is much much better than him.Who appreciate me more than he does.But if I lose you,ariff,I will be so miserable,you are important to me.I don't think i can replace him with someone else.okay,end for this topic.

Am I look obviously suprise?well..

fuhhhh,because of poverty of time to blog and a lil of uninterested to blog last time,so i don't hv many posts.btw for the past 2 hours 'someone' called me,and we just chit chat about JPAM,and like suddenly he was like,syahh,I'm into someone now,i got a crush',and i was like okay,ha-ha who was that?whats her name?' (acting like i didn't feel kinda-ouch!)i became speechless for awhile,i told myself then ,well it kinda hurt me but still i should considered it as a good news.well, i know i hv such a great boyfriend,but how about this,many people said and their perception about the first love is hard to erase or forget.what do you think?is't true?or not?.Back to my story,i just feel that i can't hangout with him like before,i dont think i can talk,borak2 with him like before,it's gonna be a lil awkward,i dunno,I can't deny IT that deep inside in my heart,I still love him.just a lil.SERIOUSLY a LITTLE.mayb I used to love him so muchhh before,and i know he deserve with someone else better than me and live a happy life,maybe i'm just being too emotional,btw happy to hear that news from you.Now me with my life and my boyfieeee,Ariff.well,he's a nice guy,seriously,it's hard to find a guy like him outside there,I'm GLAD and very lucky to hv him as my bestie and my boy friend.haha he knw all my bad side,and he has used to it.noiceeeee : D off to skype now.

specially for you

i remembered that i used to call u early in the morning,kejut u saho,kejut u belaja..
i call u everynite before spm,n text u wished u good night.we used to hangout together before,watched movie.lepak kt starbuck.n not to forget this moment,time u blk dr mc naik train,i bngun pagi2,around 5.masak untuk u,then mandi2,betolak ke kl sentral..u selalu ckp i xde prepaid sume,i jlan kaki panas2,just sbb nk beli topup.u penah post bear n card dekat i.but....all the memories just memories.something about us doesn't seems rite these days..u dah berubah.i dunno why.mayb one of the reasons,SPM,i faham,but we still can spent time together after spm.i ingt lg,u call i hari ahad tu,u tell me directly yg u dah kurang sygkn i.i just can't accept it on that time.sbb all of a sudden.unexpected.yes..i cried,n i demam on that day gak.but i x bgtau u yg i demam.i x nk hold on,buti just pikir untuk kebaikan kitaorg,so i have to.but it not last long like i expected.one day after physics's paper,i dunno why,i just missing u so much,i tried to control myself from texting you.but i failed.n u did reply my msg.sakit hati,but i tahan.n i tried to call you,but ur phone off.fine then.the next day i call lagi,u x angkat.mayb u refuse to answering my calls.i just nk tanye khabar u,ok ke buat exam?,u balik bila?,n wish good nite.u penah kata kt i,after spm,u nk webcam dgn i..kuar jln2,n celebrate bday i sekali.but looks like hari2 tu x kn kesampaian.u know what.i really wish to celebrate my bday with my loved one..but when this situation comes up.i feel soo sad ,i tahu i x kn dpt celebrate my bday with you.u dunno idz..i nanges almost every nite,luckily i hv my friends around me,they always comfort me,buat lawak sume.just to be honest,i really love you,n i syg our relationship.i don't wanna break up.but the way you text me n all that,maybe u want that way.i can't force u,i know..if i sorang je yg sygkn u,no point.n idz,u really a nice guy to me,u caring n honest person.maybe i'm not good enough for you.maybe we hv to go our own way..i got to move on,n let you go,but i will be missing you.u such a good bf,seriously.bgs la sapa yg jd gf or wife u in the future.but i really hope that although we are not in a relationship anymore,we still can be friend.kalau boleh jgn la lost contact.but its up to you,if u decided not to contact me as a friend anymore.if mmg u dah jodoh i,insyaAllah kita together balik in the future.if u ade problems ke,i always free to hear it.i can be a good listener.n sorry for being a bad gf..